2002-03-04 « »
np/6:56 p.m.

i call my cat "little girl", usually prefaced with "my" but occasionally not. also in use at any given cat-prompting time are "little baby" "furry little t'ing" (t'ing ala ali g talk) "black" "luv" and "girly", ha hahaha. you'd be surprised -- or maybe you wouldn't -- at how many super-ridiculous phrases sound acceptable when you're using baby talk on a cat.

ok, so about my tattoo: it's from this comic called 'kabuki' and it's awe-inspiringly beautiful. the comics i read are almost expressly for the artwork: gen13, johnny, kabuki. and kabuki is EXQUISITE.
there's a picture of three birds flying, and that's what i want. it sounds simple and/or dumb, but that's what i want after i get my chinese character for tragedy (which i have, by the way, found). after i've had them for a while i imagine i'll want the rest of the picture, which is of a girl, below, with her arms crossed above her head. the birds are flying from her hands, sort of. it's very neat.
i'm getting it on my right shoulder-blade-area, and the 'tragedy' at the small of my back. i, through people, 'know' people who can do it for cheap. course i don't actually have the money right NOW but when i do that is what's going to happen.

i don't want to talk about getting fired. and anyway, i guess, no, i won't. dennis isn't confrontational enough. but it is time for me to leave, to atleast stop regular hours there. the store, and my place in it, has changed too much for me to take it seriously anymore. unfortunately.
probably the funnest, simplest, easiest job i'll ever have. but it's not the job i originally (peregrin) took, and loved, and became spoilt and disillusioned by. therefore, i have to find something else. work there only occasionally. find something else that inspires and entertains and depends on me like that store USED to. before jim took my job, before we moved, before the sub-bass assaulting my ears every twenty minutes.
not that they need me; i'm going on there as an old workhorse nobody's got the heart to put to pasture, haha ha ha. not quite joyce, but the same principle.
my place has become superfluous; dennis doesn't get a kick out of me like he does his hot 17 year olds; i don't have the experience or importance of jim; i'm not necessary like the audio guys. and i know it, and that affects my performance.
i need to work at a job that nobody else can do; that needs me for ME, for what i can do and what i think, and how i perform. me, in particular. i can't think of anything else but a record store, that i know so much about, but THAT store isn't for me. the information i carry has very little to do with the hard rock store exclusive is.
so maybe someday i find a different record store.
heh. it COULD happen.
anyway. like i said, 4000 words ago. i don't want to talk about it.

well i'll tell you what's going on this weekend: nothing, but nothing is taking place in milwaukee, so it's a wonderful sort of nothing. i am sitting off-centre in kurt's very sparse livingroom. it's an apartment in downtown shorewood, bustling metropolis that it is, with a floor that LOOKS quite solid but when you step too hard there's a dull thump that registers someplace below you. so i have to remember to walk more flat-footedly, because i'm sure it sounds like armageddon to the people downstairs. i love it: i love milwaukee apartments, mornings especially remind me of when i lived here in 98. i'd wake up and blues would be playing someplace in the complex, people would be audibly going about their lazy saturday-business (this goes for sunday too, although dave would have often put :twitch: tom waits on the stereo, on repeat, causing me to groggily but resolutely (is that a word?) clawing my way towards the player to shut it off, at any and all costs. well in ANY case this morning is barely coming through the window -- it's a huge window with a view of.. the gravel on the roof and this big column of zero interest, but if you look above and beyond and to the side of, there are some buildings in the distance, of some interest -- and it's foggy and muffled-ly busy downstairs and around.
and kurt's sleeping.
and yesterday? i slept for like, ever. one of those days.. see scott and some people, they'd invited me to go up nort' with them to the u.p., yo, to this big ice sculpture festival. while i admittedly wasn't too keen on going, really nothing can keep me from a good old fashioned road trip and i was ready to go. i haven't been on a road trip in.. for.. since.. i don't even want to think how long, but anyway: road trips are FUN. especially if the driver is allowing me to drink either in the passenger side or back seat, and even if i'm not, oohhh..
well we didn't go, obviously, because scott sprained his foot and it was called off.
i'd taken off work anyway, but was up at 9:30 and scott came cos he had to drop off some dvds at the libarry by 12 so we had breakfast at yummy sandy's. i had, for the record, my very usual of hashbrowns and dry wheat toast. seriously: the hashbrowns are greasy enough -- but not TOO greasy, i hasten to say -- that you don't need buttered toast. also buttered toast is kinda gross.
he dropped me off and i gave him a few of my vicoden, cos i'm such a nice friend and all, and then i .. went back to sleep til.. i dunno, like 3? i woke up for a while and did dishes for two hours (TWO! HOURS!) then? i just went back to sleep. kurt called and said he'd come get me, and i can spend the weekend at his house (!!milwaukee!!). i fell asleep on the couch.
nate came in a few times and tried to think of un-boring things to keep me awake but it was fruitless and i didn't stir til kurt got there.

we went to jalisco's (why am i writing about this? it's completely unnecessary) cos i needed to wake up, and not that coffee would necessarily do it cos coffee never really worked like that for me, but i've got this newfound THING. centering around a daily coffee at jalisco's that i couldn't avoid.
sometimes though? well mostly, now. i feel kind of dumb going in there. cos the waitresses, the beautiful thin mexican girls, always recognise me. there's one who is particularly nice, and one who is particularly adorable, but i still feel dumb. because i'm not used to frequenting ANY place, and i'm kind of skittish which makes being recognised daily kind of hard to accept. and they don't always have MY coffee, mine since i adopted it as my own when it was denny's den.
occasionally they use webb's-quality coffee, which is BLUUGHGLLGH. but when i get mine, it's so yummy i want to swim in it.

kurt's dad just called, and when i answered, he said, "kurt??"
come on. i don't sound like kurt by any .. misconstruction.